His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
