Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
