just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize