so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
