I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
even my farts smell like vagina
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
