You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Less talking, more tequila
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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