we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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