He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
