I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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