***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
