I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
