That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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