I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
