So drunk its hurt
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
