you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
