Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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