we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
