I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
