Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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