and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
