im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
