What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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