Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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