we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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