never play flip cup with pint glasses
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Barsexuality is the new black.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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