Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
