Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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