here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize