Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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