My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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