Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
