were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
