Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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