she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
