And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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