I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
