Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
