K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
