Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
