it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
