Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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