afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
