WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
