Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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