I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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