I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
