You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
