Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
