YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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