I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They took my balls.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
