Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
