Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
