I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
