I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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