I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
