I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
