Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
