Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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