I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
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