I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
