man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
