Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
