I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
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I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize