Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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