I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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