I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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