Umm I'm too high to move.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
