Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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