Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just had sex bonerless
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
