so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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